2019 Poetry — Malashree Suvedi

Unhad and Had such pain over nothing.

do you remember mangoes in the heat, like satiated beasts,
our bodies moving forward, ever so gently with the sweetness of a childhood never had,
do you look for happiness in your untouched body, in your unbroken soul,
do you see, across the distance of your floating limbs, the fleeting summer-
butterflies and dandelions in sky high grass,
why the unkindness? the ruckus of tiny spider crawling on your unswept floor-
I remember us in the rain, one foot at a time, one finger at a time, what was time?
what was darkness but the soft chirps of grasshoppers, but the soft spread of the moon-
there was no darkness in this unhad childhood, only ripe mangoes cruising across chins,

such pain over nothing.

do you recall the afternoon, when we lay under the winter sun, Vienna- warm with joy, the sun is a diligent beast.
I remember it as clear as a Beijing day, my hands were spread across my chest,
I counted my steady beats, and time never moved. what was time? such softness, the sun is a sweet worker, it takes no overpay,
it only wants validation.

here sun, this is your validation.
such pain over nothing.
do you resent who you are now, keep it all drawn,
whisper to the Danube, ask her to swallow you whole,
oh Danube, hold me- lull me into sleep,
take me to a place with mangoes, to a place where I can ask “what is time?”
to a place where loneliness turns into sunlight and tears into wine- to a had childhood, the first time I saw a dead baby bird,
the scent of my favourite flowers, they only bloom in the night the rain gushed over us one foot at a time, one finger at a time, what was time?